There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
