He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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