Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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