It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize