i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
