i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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