Your mouth is God's brothel.
kristin has been a bad kristin
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
