I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize