if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
