After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
