it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
