so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is my gift to your gina
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize