all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
