I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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