dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
