im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
