Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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