At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
