I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
