she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
