Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
