I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
