Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
