Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
