I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's like iHOP with fire
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
