it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
