In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I could make wine with my vomit
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
