I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am available for nakedness
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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