Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
