so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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