So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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