**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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