hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize