OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
