I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You are a genius and a whore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
