Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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