she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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