She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
