Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

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(708): View more from Illinois

We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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(925): View more from California

It smells like ranch

(925): View more from California

Must be all the white people

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(503): View more from Oregon

gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?

(540): View more from Virginia

THATS VERY WEIRD

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(+61): View more from Australia

on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?

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