i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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