she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What happened to fro yo and sex?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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