i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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