tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
