I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
