we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
