i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
