I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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