hotel room ftw
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
