The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
