I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
