Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
