if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
