He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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