You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
