So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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