oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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