I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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