i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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