I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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