saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
