She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize