so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
