I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am one with the molecules
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
