that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize