first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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